Motherhood – Twinning at MotherHood

Barriers to breastfeeding

Posted on March 19, 2019 by Wendy Posted in Eating, Motherhood .

When I went back to work after having the boys I had to advocate (hard) to be given space to pump milk; the building manager suggested I use the bathroom (um, that’s a hard pass). So when the opportunity to work on a breastfeeding piece for Scientific American arose I jumped at the chance. Here’s the article!

Our goal was to advocate for every woman to be able to make the right choice for her and her baby and to support that choice by reducing institutional barriers that make it harder for women to balance breastfeeding with full-time scientific work. In this piece, we’ve outlined the issues and offered concrete ways that organizations and individuals can support working nursing mothers.

*These Op-Ed’s are part of a 500 Women Scientists campaign called #SciMomJourney that aim to bring visibility to the challenges mothers in science face when starting or building their families. Tell us your scimom story at https://500womenscientists.org/share-your-story

**These challenges are (for the most part) not unique to science! Consider what you can do to make life easier for the mothers in your workplace. Suggestions in the Op-Ed!

Guilt and Unmet Expectations: a mothers lot?

Posted on March 15, 2019 by Wendy Posted in Motherhood .

You know that sinking feeling in your stomach when you realize that you’ve forgotten something important? It’s the worst.

I took the boys to preschool today. As I was signing them in the most darling little girl in a fluffy green tutu toddled toward me. And then one of their teachers walked by wearing a huge green bow in her hair. Then I noticed the tiny green footprints painted on the floor. I slowly looked up and surveyed the scene – every single child dressed in green, except, of course, my children. Z had on his favorite grey shark tooth shirt; R was wearing his new blue striped shirt from Nana. Today is the St. Patrick’s Day party where they’re all supposed to wear green, and I totally forgot.

I got in the car and called my husband. “Oh my god, it’s the St. Patrick’s Day thing at school where they’re supposed to wear green and I forgot. They’re the only ones not in green. I feel awful. Now my kids are going to suffer because I can’t get my shit together.” Melodramatic? Um, yeah. I know. But it feels bad. It feels bad to think that your kids might be sad or left out because of something that was within your control. It feels bad to be the parent that forgets things. It feels bad to be trying really, really hard and still not be perfect (I didn’t want to write that word, but that’s the right word because it describes the problem).

As I was driving home I had a few minutes to reflect on the situation, and on my reaction. I get that at the core this is a silly thing – it doesn’t really matter if they wear green today. It’s unlikely this will be the thing I do that scars them for life – I’m sure I’m going to make much bigger mistakes! But the situation highlights a narrative that I just recently realized I’ve accepted whole cloth – that if my kids lives aren’t “perfect” then I’ve failed them somehow.

Mothers (and to a lesser extent fathers) are bombarded with messages, both overt and covert, that we are inadequate. Mothers, especially middle-class mothers, have been indoctrinated into a child-rearing style called concerted cultivation, where they feel obligated to always be providing their children with experiences that will improve and enhance their intellectual and social skills. This style requires their parenting to be time consuming, emotionally absorbing and always, always guided by expert advice. This is difficult and potentially counterproductive from the onset, but becomes nearly impossible when you factor in that 70% of mothers work (75% of those mothers work full time), and that 40% of those mothers are the primary or sole earner for their household. This means that many/most mothers are now balancing unrealistic parenting expectations with full time work, and they feel like they’re failing on all fronts. But they are set up to fail.

A recent article in Psychology Today summed it up well:

“American mothers stood out in their experience of crushing guilt and work-family conflict…The combination of impossible and incompatible ideals of work and home, with a lack of policy and social support for working families, has put mothers in a no-win situation…“I want to tell mothers that this is not your fault. When I tell mothers this they laugh and say, ‘Yeah, yeah’ but I ask them to look me in the eyes. Then I say, ‘This is not your fault.’ And then women start crying. That’s powerful. It is powerful how much women have internalized the idea that if they just tried harder, it wouldn’t be this way.”

I don’t have a solution for the problem. So for now I’m going to let it be enough to recognize that the problem exists, and to do my best to not perpetuate it. I’m not going to beat myself up about the green shirts. I’m not going to apologize for not being perfect. I’m not a perfect mother, but I am good enough.

Every body is a beach body

Posted on July 2, 2017 by Wendy Posted in Eating, Motherhood, Twin Pregnancy, Weight loss .

Remember how I was going to document my diet and exercise program to try and get in shape for the beach? Well, that didn’t work out.

The first few weeks I wasn’t motivated. Then I was super motivated and was doing great! I was running every day, consistently meeting my step goal, eating well and going to yoga. I felt really good. And then I got bronchitis coupled with a sinus infection and double ear infection. Oof. I could barely walk, much less exercise. 6 weeks and 2 rounds of antibiotics (and several thousand oz of water through the Neti pot) and I’m still not feeling right.

But you know what? Once I got to the beach it didn’t matter. I built sand castles. I held my boys in the waves. I swam in the pool. I dug for mole crabs. I even carried those two fat toddlers across the cactus patch AT THE SAME TIME! My body was strong. My body was capable. My body was perfect.

It jiggles in some places that used to be solid. It’s not shaped the same way that it was before I had kids. It’s different than it used to be. But I’m different than I used to be. My priorities are different. My expectations of myself, and my body, are different. And now I’m going to make my mindset different.

I’m going to try to keep running because it made me feel good (not during – after). I’m going to keep going to yoga whenever I can despite my diastasis recti, because it centers me. I’m going to keep eating well because I want to be healthy and set a good example for my children. And I’m going to keep in mind the gentle admonishment from my old friend Nancy – every body is beach body when it’s on the beach.

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Things that are terrible but awesome – the “how to keep a baby inside” edition

Posted on June 27, 2017 by Wendy Posted in Advice, Motherhood, Sleeping .

(Guest blog by Dr. Alka Tripathy-Lang)

Once you make it to the third trimester, there is one thing that’s worse than making it to (or beyond) your due date. That would be not making it to term, which is defined as 37 weeks for a singleton. In my case, peanut #1 arrived at 35 weeks and 3 days, and he was relatively healthy for a late-preterm infant (a fancy phrase for a preemie born between 34-37 weeks, again, for singletons). He needed a NICU/special care nursery stay of two nights because he was refluxing straight out of the womb, but was a solid 5 lbs 13 oz at birth. That reflux misery didn’t end for 9 horrible months. I chose to exclusively pump for him (that’s a whole other topic/discussion), which made those months even more difficult with the constant cycle of pumping, feeding, holding upright for 30 min (holla, my reflux mamas), washing pump parts, maybe sleeping, and starting over again.

Anyway, when I got pregnant with peanut #2, #1 was 14 months old. I was super excited to be pregnant because we wanted 2 babies, and I wanted to get all this miserable newborn/infant stuff out of the way ASAP (no, I do not love the newborn phase). But for those of you who don’t have babies yet, most babies are easier in the womb than they are on the outside, so we really needed to try to make it past 35 weeks to juggle a toddler and a newborn. The bun baking longer would also decrease the possibility of reflux, and in general, the baby would be further along in all stages of his development. We would get through that dreaded newborn phase faster.

There are a couple of things that I credit with making it to 39.5 weeks, at which point I chose to be induced (see http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/863383#vp_1; http://annualmeeting.acog.org/support-for-elective-iol-at-39-weeks-growing/#.WT8Z0hPytE4 for information about ACOG discussions regarding elective induction past 39 weeks).

1 – Hydroxyprogesterone shots (Makena) – Oh my god. These are AWFUL. I HATE THEM. First of all, they are a huge pain when it comes to insurance (but then again, what isn’t here in the US). Here’s the story. Hydroxyprogesterone is super cheap to make, and was dirt cheap back when it had zero use. Then, someone decided to see if it would help keep babies in the womb longer for women who had a history of preterm labor. It did! You’re 40% more likely to keep your bun in the oven to term with these shots! So, the makers of Makena, the official name of this drug, jacked the price WAY up. The logic for them to get insurance companies to pay hinged on how expensive a NICU stay is. What’s a few thousand dollars per shot (weekly! between 16-36 weeks! 20 weeks of shots!) compared to several weeks of a NICU stay, which can run into the million dollar range? The pharmaceutical company and the insurance companies came to some agreement, and now we can get our weekly shots, but not without a lot of money, although less than the original amount. I spent hours on the phone trying to make sure the insurance company would approve the drug, and an additional pile of hours trying to sort out how much it would cost me out of pocket, per week. In the end, it was cheaper to go through a pharmacy that doesn’t accept insurance, so I wasted all that time. Thankfully, I was able to get my medicine, and insurance covered my weekly shot being administered at the doctor’s office. Not all insurance will cover that, and will insist that you learn how to give it to yourself. No thank you.

So, let me tell you a little bit about these shots. The medication is administered in an oil, so its very viscous (thick). This requires a large gauge (thick) needle. It also has to be a long needle bc this shot goes into your butt. You need that oil + hormone in your muscle so your body will do with it what it needs. So, every week, you get a big ass shot in your ever growing butt, and they switch sides the next week to make it less painful. People have different reactions to it, but in my case, the site of the shot would itch for 3-6 days. It would swell, so I had these horrible itchy welts. And oh, that shot hurts. It hurts when the needle goes in, it hurts while the medication is being injected, and it hurts while your body absorbs the medication over the course of the week. Just when you’re feeling better, it’s time for your other butt cheek to hurt.

What’s super annoying is that none of the nurses really seemed to understand how to administer this shot either, even with me telling them what to do. It’s supposed to be administered SLOWLY over the course of a minute or so. Not one nurse at my doctor’s office could grasp this concept. I asked them to go slow, and they did – for them. But that meant instead of 2 seconds, they would take 10.

But, in the end these shots were 100% worth it. Peanut #2 stayed in for 39.5 weeks, and didn’t seem in a huge rush to evacuate my uterus until the induction began. So yes, I hate this shot, but I’m so thankful that they exist. I credit this shot with keeping my bun in the oven past 36 weeks.

2 – Belly bands – Just buy one of these things

35 weeks 3 days. Baby #2 is riding high and being supported by the belly band.

It’s ridiculous. You feel like one of those moving guys who has to wear a back support to carry your TV down the stairs. You feel very unfit because your own back isn’t strong enough to hold up that ever-growing belly.

But, you feel amazing, too. It saves your back. When you don’t wear it, your belly sags down, almost like the baby is trying to engage well before it should. And, you start sleeping in it because god knows that sleep is so hard when you’re that pregnant. This thing somehow makes it more comfortable. And, when you sit up, you don’t have to grab on and help your belly sit up! The band takes care of that!

I believe that this band helped me keep peanut #2 in as well. It could be total nonsense, but it certainly *felt* like the baby was better supported, generally held higher up than peanut #1 ever was. With #1, everyone told me that the baby was riding low throughout my third trimester. With #2, everyone commented about how nice and high he looked, all the way up until the days before I delivered. Thank you, belly band!

3 – Prescription antacids – The heartburn, for me, was brutal during the third trimester. The reflux was so bad at this point that eating and drinking water became increasingly difficult with each day. This is a problem, particularly when you live in the desert. During one of my many OB appointments, the doctor watched me reflux, and decided that the time of apple cider vinegar shots and Tums was over, and the good stuff was necessary. She prescribed prescription strength pepcid, and immediately, I could eat again. Several days later, we hit that 35 week 3 day point, which was when peanut #1 pulled the trigger and came out. I was antsy. Would my uterus decide that baby #2 needed to come out early, too? That it simply could not handle more pregnancy?

That’s when the diarrhea started. Followed by the waves of nausea. Was my body getting ready for labor and delivery? Early? Again? Exactly at the same time as round #1? OR was this a reaction to the new antacid prescription? OR did I have a stomach bug? Then came the shaking. Was this my uterus dilating? Or was it the lack of water? What was happening? Then the contractions came. They weren’t super painful, and they weren’t more than 6 per hour, but they were definitely happening.

I called the nurse line and they said to stop taking the wonderful antacid that made eating possible again for a few short, blissful days. I was to go in if I wasn’t able to keep water down, or if contractions sped up.

Then, my husband got sick. We were never so happy to both have the stomach flu!

However, the nurse line recommended that I stay off the antacid. Food and water became difficult, again. It was back to apple cider vinegar shots and Tums. At my 36 week appointment, a few days later, the doctor prescribed a different antacid. It was one of those “do not take if you’re breastfeeding” kind of things, but she rightly pointed out that I need to eat, and with the amount of saline I would take in during labor and delivery, it would flush out of my system quickly.

So I took it. And it was glorious. No weird side effects. I could get some sleep without refluxing myself awake. I would eat. I could drink all the water I wanted. And, importantly, the Braxton-Hicks contractions pretty much ceased until closer to 38 weeks. I credit the antacid with ensuring that I was properly hydrated, which minimized contractions, and potentially helped keep peanut #2 in longer.

Dr. Tripathy-Lang

Will these 3 things work for everyone? Probably not. But might they work for some? Most likely. In the end, you have to do what you need to in order to keep all the babies baking for as long as you can!

Dr. Tripathy-Lang is a kick-ass geologist who lives in the southwest with her husband, sons and a pack of wild dogs. (Ok, just the 2 dogs – but one of them is really, really big.)

*Newborn photography by Annelise Jensen Photography.

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The highlight reel

Posted on May 17, 2017 by Wendy Posted in Advice, Motherhood .

I’ve been thinking a lot about the expectations we set for ourselves and how those expectations are affected by outside influences, primarily social media. As a social media manager I’m constantly watching and evaluating the choices that people make about what they post on their social media channels. As a mother I find myself (consciously and probably subconsciously) comparing myself and my choices to the choices of the people in my social circles, which are composed in part of social media networks. Lately, as a matter of interest, I’ve been comparing this social media public or sub-public (as in “shared with particular people”) content with the content shared by the people in Private Groups (as in “only open to invited guests and heavily regulated for conduct”). My conclusions are far from ground-breaking or unique here, but I think the implications make this an important topic to discuss – NO ONE IS DOING AS WELL AS FACEBOOK SAYS THEY ARE.

Now, we all know this, or at least suspect it. But I have a sense that we all still look at our friends social media accounts and do the quick comparison. For moms, this can be particularly damaging. Mom #1 took her kids to see Santa and they all wore matching outfits, while my kids didn’t see Santa and didn’t even wear matching outfits on Christmas day. (Translation – I must be lazy and my kids are suffering for it). Mom #2 is always posting pictures of her kids doing fun, age appropriate, educational activities and I can see in the background that her house is immaculate. Meanwhile my kids are watching Spongebob as I attempt to scrap canned peas (not even fresh or organic) off the walls and ceiling. (Translation – I’m not doing enough for my kids AND I’m a bad housekeeper). Mom #3 is so crafty and together that her kids rooms look like they’re straight out of Pinterest, while my kids walls are still covered in primer with the original horrid color showing through. (Translation – I’m too lazy to give my kids stimulating and interesting environments AND I have all the Pinterest fail guilt). Granted, these are seriously first world problems, but my point is that we set ourselves up to fail. Because all social media, and Facebook in particular, is the highlight reel. It’s the clean house, smiling children, loving family, fabulous life that none of us really have. Or at least that none of us have for more than a fleeting moment at a time. I may have canned, non-organic peas on my ceiling but I threw my kid a kick-ass birthday party that she’ll remember for the rest of her life (and I told you all about on Facebook – but notice that I didn’t tell you about the peas).

That’s where the Secret/Private groups come in. You see, I’m friends with these moms on Public Facebook but also on Private Facebook. So I know that Mom #1 didn’t want to go see Santa that day because she had just had a miscarriage a few days earlier but her mother-in-law had gotten the kids those outfits explicitly for a Santa picture and she felt obligated to follow through. Mom #2 only gets her kids 3 days a week so she’s trying her best to make her time with them count. Mom #3 is just plain crafty, and working with her hands relaxes her.

The vignettes that we see on social are the very best moments, the equivalent of our online resume. We’re not getting the behind the scenes view, and that’s ok, but we can’t compare our everyday to someone else highlight reel. I just wish that every once in awhile we could all be brave enough to post a picture of the dirty kitchen, the pile of laundry, and the peas on the wall. My BBF has dubbed this “The Year of Real” and it is unbelievably uplifting and refreshing to see pictures of her unmade bed, cluttered kitchen table and jam smeared children. Her life is just like mine – sweet and messy and cluttered and chaotic and beautiful. And it’s wonderful. It’s authentic. It’s real. So, I’m going to work harder to embrace the beauty in the mess and the joy in the chaos and make sure that my Facebook goes from highlight reel to real life.

To quote my favorite singer “This life is a thump ripe melon, so sweet and such mess.” Let’s celebrate the mess.

The peas are gone but the mess remains.

On motherhood, activism and science communication

Posted on May 8, 2017 by Wendy Posted in Motherhood, Weight loss .

Hello friends!

I’m honored to have been featured in the 500 Women Scientists #MeetAScientist series and since part of what I talk about is this blog I thought it might be of interest to you. Here’s the link.

Geology field work in the Himalayas

Quick update on fitness goals – I’ve definitely been amping up the exercise and I’m feeling pretty good! I don’t look any different yet but my physical and emotional state (and my stress level) have definitely improved and that’s the name of the game. If that’s all I end up getting out of this exercise and fitness thing then I’m going to call it a win! Also, my daughter went jogging with me the other night and said she’d like to start running with me.

Feeling more fit – check

Having more energy – check

Lowering stress levels – check

Being a good role model – check

Bonding time with my kid – check

Winning at fitness – check

So things aren’t going so well…

Posted on April 28, 2017 by Wendy Posted in Motherhood, Weight loss .

My exercise and weight loss goals have been severely derailed. Who’s surprised? Raise your hand. I know, I know. No one.

I actually did ok for the first week – I jogged for 5 days out of 7 and my weekly step average was 9,892 steps/day. My goal was 10,000 steps a day but a long day of meetings coupled with some rain messed me up. And I did pretty well eating healthy – I ate the same things as my family but I decreased my overall portion size, eliminated all the starchy carbs like mac-n-cheese and mashed potatoes, and increased my servings of vegetables. I also upped my water intake.

Week 2 is when it got ugly. I went out to visit my friends with newborn twins, and it was lovely. The beer and margaritas and pizza and ice cream were also lovely. And there was no way I was I was going to go leave those beautiful babies to go run in the rain. Nope. And then I went to a conference for 5 days. Could someone please tell me how I thought I was going to eat well and avoid alcohol at a geology conference? Clearly, I didn’t think this through, and also I have zero willpower. Now, I did eat better than I could have and I got a lot of walking in, but I definitely came home feeling bloated and defeated. So now I have 7.5 weeks left to get this done. But I am not going to panic. Nope. I’m going to channel this energy into action.

I went jogging yesterday and I’m going again tomorrow. I’ve got a healthy breakfast and lunch ready for tomorrow and I’m going to drink water until I slosh. And I’m going to commit to posting another “progress” picture in 2 weeks to help motivate me to actually make some progress.

How is everyone else doing? Any progress to report?

Parenting – not as advertised

Posted on April 7, 2017 by Wendy Posted in Advice, Motherhood .

Really? Who are these weirdos? All in white, no covers, smashing their poor kid and breathing each other’s morning breath? No thanks.

The reality of pregnancy and parenting is not like what they sell you in brochure. It’s 20% baby giggles and splashing in the bath tub and first steps and 80% getting pooped on, peeling clementine’s, and asking “why is this wet?” It’s hard and it’s messy and it can be really lonely. You realize that are are an unbelievable number of things you didn’t know (like that pregnancy actually lasts for 10 months, for instance) and there are even more things that everyone knows about but doesn’t talk about (like hemorrhoids, cracked nipples and post-partum depression).

During my pregnancy and after the birth of my boys I was lucky enough to be part of a secret Facebook group where mothers can honestly and openly ask questions, voice fears and ask for advice. Our rule is that there is no “sanctimommy” allowed (“Sanctimommy is a portmanteau of two words, sanctimonious and mommy. The word is a colloquialism used to refer to a person who has very opinionated views on child rearing and presents them upfront without any sense of humility”). I realised as I was reading through the posts the other day that we have a huge amount of accumulated experience (I won’t go so far as to say wisdom) so I asked these honest and upfront women what their advice would be to new moms. Here is their list.

It is 100% okay to not love every minute of pregnancy and parenthood and to sometimes hate it and resent it. Even if you struggled to become a parent. Even if people you love are struggling to become parents. Even if everyone is telling you “it goes by so fast; enjoy it while you can!” You don’t have to feel #blessed all the time.
Trust your instincts.
Do what works for YOU. Not what everyone says you should be doing. No one baby is like another.
Motherhood can be really lonely, especially in the first 3 months, and you may not have that mythical, deep connection everybody goes on and on about right away. (Or, hell, at all. I love my daughter very much, but I don’t have a mythical earth goddess kind of love, particularly when she has morning breath.)
Someone told me “Your baby needs a mother, not a martyr.” That was a game changer for me.
“Sleep when the baby sleeps” is bullshit
Learn to smile and say “thanks I will keep that in mind” when people give you advice that you plan on ignoring and then carry on with your bad self.
Post partum depression is really real, and it can really be helped and that is ok.
Your mental health and happiness is more important than breastfeeding. Your baby will be healthier and happier if you are healthy and happy regardless of whether they are formula feed or breastfeed.
Having a baby is f**** boring sometimes. A lot of the time. It’s not hard, but it’s -always-.
No points for martyrdom in motherhood.
You may not love your baby right away. That’s ok, you don’t even know them yet! The love will come.
No one’s life is as easy or perfect as it appears on social media.
Don’t forget about yourself.
Don’t. Forget. Yourself.
Your children are everything, yes, but so are you, to them. Take care of yourself. Let them spend the day watching TV while you hide in your room for the day if you need it. They will be fine, I promise. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about it.
You actually have to wash behind your kids ears.
It’s normal to keep waiting for the “it’s worth it” part. And it’s ok to hate it sometimes – the “it’s worth it” feeling eventually comes.
Surround yourself with people that support you and are honest and real. Not with crazy people who want to compete with you in the Mommy Wars.
Don’t be above accepting help when it’s offered.
Listen to advice, but it doesn’t mean you have to accept it. But listen, some people give good advice and you might need it later.
Anything said by or to your partner at 3 am when you are up with the kids does not count and is not to be held against the other person.
The days are long but the years are short.
You know your kids and if your doctor won’t listen, find a new one.
When I told a friend, who had had twins the year before, that I was pregnant, she looked me right in the eye and said: “There will be a point where you want to literally kill your kid. This does not make you a bad person. This makes you human. Learn when you need to walk away.” She said it so intensely that I knew she was serious and she was 100% right. We all have that moment.
No one mom is right. What works for you might not be good for someone else. Also, no two kids are alike.
It’s ok to hate/dislike/not want to always be around your kids- moms need small breaks too. (Just in the beginning if you notice it more than not check into post partum services to make sure you aren’t experiencing that.)
If you get PPD, don’t get down on yourself- millions of ladies get it so be honest and get the help you need to feel better.
Trust yourself and trust your kids.
Try to avoid getting caught up in comparing yourself or your kids to others around you. Every kid is different and develops differently, because she doesn’t walk until 14 months or he doesn’t read until second grade or want to hold a pencil until kindergarten is an indication of absolutely nothing. Let them be and do and become what they are meant to be and do and become at their own pace as much as you can. It is not a race and it is how they were designed to be, just trust them.
Your friends without kids might become distant…this is normal and there is nothing wrong w you
Aquaphor can cure almost anything.
The thing that saved me post birth was FIBER!!!! Stool softeners were for wusses!!!
Don’t feel guilty if you use formula.
Keep a stash of chocolate in your closet for when you need a break. Sometimes you just need a little something for yourself that you don’t have to share!
When it comes to social media, etc., ask yourself if your kid in 10 years would be ok with that picture or that detail being shared.
When planning an activity for your kid (or trying to force them to do something), ask yourself if you are doing it bc they would enjoy it or if you’re doing it for the [facebook, instagram, whatever] picture. If solely (or even mostly) the latter, stop.
Teach body autonomy early on. Kid doesn’t have to hug or kiss anyone they don’t want to–yes, even grandparents. Their body, their choice. (Studies show this might prevent sexual molestation bc kids are less apt to feel pressured to give in to unwanted touching).
Buy all the meds you might need right away (they don’t expire for a while). It beats having to do a 3 a.m. Tylenol run.
Put down the mom books and hide the sanctimommy blogs.
Be prepared to eat every word you ever uttered about anyone else’s parenting (when you were the perfect parent before having kids).
Never say never. I swore I would NEVER EVER cosleep or breastfeed past a year. But with my 2nd she slept with me for almost a year and I BF her for 2. It’s what worked for us.

Post-partum depression (PPD) is real and it’s much more prevalent than reported. If you think you may have PPD please call your doctor. It’s not your fault, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom, and it’s treatable.

Time to get in shape for summer – who’s with me?

Posted on April 5, 2017 by Wendy Posted in Eating, Motherhood, Twins, Weight loss .

I’m about to do a thing and it scares me. I’m about to post about fitness and nutrition and put pictures of myself in a bathing suit on the internet. I think I’ve lost my mind. I am not a fitness and nutrition person. I hate sports and jogging and the gym. I love pizza and salt and vinegar chips and wine and margaritas. So know that I realize that this is total madness.

But here’s the thing. I’m going to the beach for a week in the middle of June where I will (presumably) be wearing a bathing suit. Now, I’ve known that this was coming but did that stop me from eating pizza and drinking wine this weekend? No. Did it keep me from having delicious Thai food for lunch yesterday? No. No it did not. Now I’m not overweight (thank you genetics), but it’s been a long winter and the, um, “fluff” has accumulated. I feel bloated and out of sorts. And I’m out of shape – very out of shape. And it’s embarrassing to admit but I can’t fit into my favorite shorts and if I can’t fit in to my shorts then putting on my bathing suit is really going to make me cry.

The problem, though, is that I have 3 kids, a husband, a full-time job, a 4 hour daily commute, a consulting business on the side, 2 cats, a house that requires upkeep and yard maintenance, a leadership position in a women’s advocacy group and I occasionally like to sleep and bathe. When, exactly, am I going to exercise? Or cook a bunch of healthy food just for myself, because we all know that my family isn’t going to eat zoodles and salads. And it isn’t just me. We’re all busy. Super busy. How can we fit some amount of exercise and self-care into our already over-packed and scheduled lives?

That’s what I’m going to try and find out. I’m going to document my efforts to exercise, eat healthier and fit into my shorts. You are going to keep me honest and accountable. The objective here isn’t necessarily to lose weight (although I will *gulp* report my weight changes) – the point is to feel better and look better. And I have to do it in 10 weeks.

So, here we are at the “before”. God, I hate the before. The before is so humiliating.

Starting Weight – 130.2 lbs.
Starting Exercise –Walking; Fitbit step count average is 5,256 steps/day.
Diet – Does pizza with peppers and onions count as a diet?

Before Picture (shield your eyes from my blinding whiteness)

Plan

Weight and Health
- To fit into my shorts – the number on the scale doesn’t matter
- To build some muscle mass
- To get healthier!
Exercise
- Increase step count to 10,000 steps/day
- Start doing the free Couch to 5K running app at least 2x a week
- Sit on an exercise ball at work for at least 3 hours a day
- Maybe take a yoga class once in while and see if that’s possible with my DR (see below)
Diet
- Use the Fitbit app to watch my calorie intake
- Try out new, healthier versions of what my family already eats (thank you Pinterest!)
- Cut out all alcohol and fried foods except for one cheat day a week.
- (**If I find any great healthy recipes I’ll share them here).

**Another thing I need to work on is my “completely open” diastasic recti (DR) – or separated stomach muscles. This is a pretty common condition after carrying a big baby (or multiples) and it affects core strength, pelvic floor function and overall strength. It also causes the “mom pooch”. My case is pretty bad – I can fit 3 fingers to the knuckle into the gap between my stomach muscles (thanks to carrying 15 lbs of babies and 6 lbs of placenta). The tough part for me is that most of the types of exercise that I enjoy, like yoga and pilates, need to be severally curtailed or avoided all together until you’ve either had the DR surgically repaired or you’ve strengthened your transverse abdominus sufficiently, which I haven’t done. So, I’m going to work on strengthening those muscles by doing these exercises at least 4 times a week. And I’m going to try to do some yoga but will avoid the problematic poses.

I’ll post weekly to give you an update and report on what’s working and what’s not working. Here we go y’all! (Anybody want to do this with me? PLEASE?)

You Know You Have 2-Year-Old Twins When…

Posted on March 31, 2017 by Wendy Posted in Motherhood, Twins .

“All done apple”

…every apple in the house has one bite taken out of it.

…every flat surface is covered with crumbs.

…everything you own is sticky.

…you have at least 4 of every. single. thing.

…you ask the dog to stop whining and “use his words.”

…”sleeping in” means you’re up by 6:30.

…you understand why mama bears porridge was cold.

…a Sharpie without a cap makes you break out in a cold sweat.

…you don’t remember the last time you slept in your bed alone or had your whole pillow to yourself.

…you accidentally find yourself humming the theme song to Paw Patrol or worse, Caillou.

…you start thinking hostage negotiation seems like a reasonable career choice once the kids go to school.

…you dream about going to the bathroom alone. Or anywhere alone.

…your mom voice is so good you have the neighbors brushing their teeth and picking up their shoes.

…you do so much laundry you figure there must be people living in your house that you haven’t met yet.

…you say previously unimaginable things like “your brothers face is not a seat” and “the bathtub is not a potty”.

…you discuss poop with your spouse at least 3x a day.

…someone in the house is always crying and a lot of times it’s you.

…you know you can ruin someones entire day by giving them the wrong color cup. But you also know there is no “right” color cup.

“All done sandwich”

…you consider buying stock in peanut butter.

…you realize silence is not golden – it’s terrifying.

…there are Cherrios in your shoes.

…no one is tired until it’s time to clean up the toys and then everyone is exhausted.

…you answer the same question 1,000,000 times a day. And it’s always about a cookie.

…you take 2,700 steps between 1:00 AM and 6:00 AM.

…you’ve Googled how many calories cleaning up Legos burns.

…you have 20 tissues in your pocket at any given time.

…you look forward to bedtime like it’s Christmas but then sit up late looking at pictures of the kids.

…you really start to “get” the concept of entropy.

…an out of harmony “Itsy Bitsy Spider” is the greatest thing you’ve ever heard.

…the best day of your life was the day you overheard their fight about who loves mama more.

…you get double snuggles, double hugs and double kisses.