Twins – Twinning at MotherHood

Homeschooling from A-Z, literally

Posted on December 23, 2020 by Wendy Posted in Homeschool .

When I started homeschooling my 1st grade twins in September of 2020 I was struggling to figure out how to make it fun and exciting. I finally decided to make each day a letter of the alphabet and build curriculum around that; and I also included a drink or cocktail for me for the end of each day, because wow. Homeschooling and working full-time is a lot y’all. So without further ado I’ll give you an outline of what we did each day for each letter – take the idea and run with it to create your own fun homeschool experience!

A

Today we wrote “A” and “a” on lunch bags and went around the house putting things that start with A into our bags. After we had collected “A” treasures we lined them up on the table and wrote down the names of all of the items. Next, we learned about the continent of Africa, practiced addition and ate applesauce. Finally we learned about alligators (and the difference between alligators and crocodiles) and Australia.

Drink of the day – Appletini.

B

Homeschooling today – it’s “B” day. They took a bubble bath, ate bagels with butter and learned about bees. We drew bats, did spelling words, practiced math on Dreambox, did a few pages of “Handwriting without tears” and finished a map of the world, making sure to locate all the countries that start with B. Brazil starts with B. Beer and bourbon also start with B.

Drink of the day – Bourbon.

C

Today is “C” day. We ate Cheerios (coffee for me), drew pictures of Crazy Cats and watched a video about cool cat facts. We learned about COVID and how coronaviruses work. They took their first spelling test (cat, mat, rat, hat, fat) and each got all the words correct. We also did Dreambox math. In related news, Corona starts with C.

Drink of the day – Corona.

Every day we we did things in addition to the letter activities. Our day always starts with spelling and sight words and ends with either Dreambox or ABC Mouse and then we intersperse these activities in the middle along with reading and math. To learn more about the other resources I’m using check out this post.

Stay tuned for letters D, E and F!

Guilt and Unmet Expectations: a mothers lot?

Posted on March 15, 2019 by Wendy Posted in Motherhood .

You know that sinking feeling in your stomach when you realize that you’ve forgotten something important? It’s the worst.

I took the boys to preschool today. As I was signing them in the most darling little girl in a fluffy green tutu toddled toward me. And then one of their teachers walked by wearing a huge green bow in her hair. Then I noticed the tiny green footprints painted on the floor. I slowly looked up and surveyed the scene – every single child dressed in green, except, of course, my children. Z had on his favorite grey shark tooth shirt; R was wearing his new blue striped shirt from Nana. Today is the St. Patrick’s Day party where they’re all supposed to wear green, and I totally forgot.

I got in the car and called my husband. “Oh my god, it’s the St. Patrick’s Day thing at school where they’re supposed to wear green and I forgot. They’re the only ones not in green. I feel awful. Now my kids are going to suffer because I can’t get my shit together.” Melodramatic? Um, yeah. I know. But it feels bad. It feels bad to think that your kids might be sad or left out because of something that was within your control. It feels bad to be the parent that forgets things. It feels bad to be trying really, really hard and still not be perfect (I didn’t want to write that word, but that’s the right word because it describes the problem).

As I was driving home I had a few minutes to reflect on the situation, and on my reaction. I get that at the core this is a silly thing – it doesn’t really matter if they wear green today. It’s unlikely this will be the thing I do that scars them for life – I’m sure I’m going to make much bigger mistakes! But the situation highlights a narrative that I just recently realized I’ve accepted whole cloth – that if my kids lives aren’t “perfect” then I’ve failed them somehow.

Mothers (and to a lesser extent fathers) are bombarded with messages, both overt and covert, that we are inadequate. Mothers, especially middle-class mothers, have been indoctrinated into a child-rearing style called concerted cultivation, where they feel obligated to always be providing their children with experiences that will improve and enhance their intellectual and social skills. This style requires their parenting to be time consuming, emotionally absorbing and always, always guided by expert advice. This is difficult and potentially counterproductive from the onset, but becomes nearly impossible when you factor in that 70% of mothers work (75% of those mothers work full time), and that 40% of those mothers are the primary or sole earner for their household. This means that many/most mothers are now balancing unrealistic parenting expectations with full time work, and they feel like they’re failing on all fronts. But they are set up to fail.

A recent article in Psychology Today summed it up well:

“American mothers stood out in their experience of crushing guilt and work-family conflict…The combination of impossible and incompatible ideals of work and home, with a lack of policy and social support for working families, has put mothers in a no-win situation…“I want to tell mothers that this is not your fault. When I tell mothers this they laugh and say, ‘Yeah, yeah’ but I ask them to look me in the eyes. Then I say, ‘This is not your fault.’ And then women start crying. That’s powerful. It is powerful how much women have internalized the idea that if they just tried harder, it wouldn’t be this way.”

I don’t have a solution for the problem. So for now I’m going to let it be enough to recognize that the problem exists, and to do my best to not perpetuate it. I’m not going to beat myself up about the green shirts. I’m not going to apologize for not being perfect. I’m not a perfect mother, but I am good enough.

Infertility, the silent struggle

Posted on March 14, 2019 by Wendy Posted in Uncategorized .

I did a thing that scares me. I co-wrote an Op-Ed with other women from 500 Women Scientist about infertility.

See, my sons are the result of multiple rounds of different types of fertility treatments. During the process I told almost no one; it was an incredibly painful time and a very difficult journey. I was scared and ashamed and I felt like a failure for not being able to conceive. Even now, more than 5 years later, the memories have sharp edges; I cried almost the whole time I worked on the piece.

1 in 6 couples experiences fertility issues. Someone that you know (besides me) has struggled to build a family, and they probably did it quietly and alone because of the stigma and shame associated with infertility. Enough.

If you are struggling with infertility you are not alone. You are not a failure. You have no reason to be ashamed.

Here’s the piece. Please read and share; you never know who may need it.

On motherhood, activism and science communication

Posted on May 8, 2017 by Wendy Posted in Motherhood, Weight loss .

Hello friends!

I’m honored to have been featured in the 500 Women Scientists #MeetAScientist series and since part of what I talk about is this blog I thought it might be of interest to you. Here’s the link.

Geology field work in the Himalayas

Quick update on fitness goals – I’ve definitely been amping up the exercise and I’m feeling pretty good! I don’t look any different yet but my physical and emotional state (and my stress level) have definitely improved and that’s the name of the game. If that’s all I end up getting out of this exercise and fitness thing then I’m going to call it a win! Also, my daughter went jogging with me the other night and said she’d like to start running with me.

Feeling more fit – check

Having more energy – check

Lowering stress levels – check

Being a good role model – check

Bonding time with my kid – check

Winning at fitness – check

You Know You Have 2-Year-Old Twins When…

Posted on March 31, 2017 by Wendy Posted in Motherhood, Twins .

“All done apple”

…every apple in the house has one bite taken out of it.

…every flat surface is covered with crumbs.

…everything you own is sticky.

…you have at least 4 of every. single. thing.

…you ask the dog to stop whining and “use his words.”

…”sleeping in” means you’re up by 6:30.

…you understand why mama bears porridge was cold.

…a Sharpie without a cap makes you break out in a cold sweat.

…you don’t remember the last time you slept in your bed alone or had your whole pillow to yourself.

…you accidentally find yourself humming the theme song to Paw Patrol or worse, Caillou.

…you start thinking hostage negotiation seems like a reasonable career choice once the kids go to school.

…you dream about going to the bathroom alone. Or anywhere alone.

…your mom voice is so good you have the neighbors brushing their teeth and picking up their shoes.

…you do so much laundry you figure there must be people living in your house that you haven’t met yet.

…you say previously unimaginable things like “your brothers face is not a seat” and “the bathtub is not a potty”.

…you discuss poop with your spouse at least 3x a day.

…someone in the house is always crying and a lot of times it’s you.

…you know you can ruin someones entire day by giving them the wrong color cup. But you also know there is no “right” color cup.

“All done sandwich”

…you consider buying stock in peanut butter.

…you realize silence is not golden – it’s terrifying.

…there are Cherrios in your shoes.

…no one is tired until it’s time to clean up the toys and then everyone is exhausted.

…you answer the same question 1,000,000 times a day. And it’s always about a cookie.

…you take 2,700 steps between 1:00 AM and 6:00 AM.

…you’ve Googled how many calories cleaning up Legos burns.

…you have 20 tissues in your pocket at any given time.

…you look forward to bedtime like it’s Christmas but then sit up late looking at pictures of the kids.

…you really start to “get” the concept of entropy.

…an out of harmony “Itsy Bitsy Spider” is the greatest thing you’ve ever heard.

…the best day of your life was the day you overheard their fight about who loves mama more.

…you get double snuggles, double hugs and double kisses.

Do I need two of everything?

Posted on August 7, 2016 by Wendy Posted in Gear .

Shopping for twins – do you really need double?

Having twins is daunting, and not just because carrying twins is hard or because having two babies to care for is difficult. It’s also expensive! How do you know what you need right now and what you can buy later? How many of each thing do you REALLY need? Do you need the most expensive version or will a less pricy version work just as well?

I had the pleasure of shopping with a twin mom-to-be last month and I kept a mental journal of things to remember so that I could share them with you. Here goes!

YOU NEED TWO (or more) OF THESE THINGS

Want to sleep? Get a Rock and Play, or 2!

Rock ‘n Play – This is one of the most important and essential things that you’ll need, and you’ll need two of them. For the first several months, or even half a year (or more), the babies won’t spend much time in their crib/s (see below); they will sleep in these suckers. These are lightweight, portable, rockable, and magical. When they’re tiny, tiny babies you use these types of inserts to keep them from puddling in the bottom. Seriously, get these. Two of them.

Rock ‘n Play all the way!

See that crib in the background where no one is sleeping? Yep. Rock ‘n Play is the way to go.

The must have blankets – Aden and Anais

Aden and Anais blankets – These are pretty expensive considering that they’re just blankets, but they’re worth it. They come in various sizes but the larger ones are more versatile. You can and will use them for everything! They can be used as a swaddle, a “laying on blanket”, a nursing cover, a spit up rag and as, well, a blanket. They’re soft, lightweight and easy to stuff in a diaper bag. Now that my guys are older I use them when we have picnics outside. We had a ton of different blankets and these are by far the most useful. Notice they are in literally every. single. picture.

Activity Saucers

Activity Saucers – We called these command centers and you definitely need two – and get two that are different. Once your twins are able to sit up on their own you can keep them active in these bad boys for long enough to actually get some stuff done around the house, or read a chapter in a book. Then swap out who’s in which and you get another 10-15 minutes! They take up a lot of space but they’re totally worth it. My guys LOVED THEM.

Infantino Sash Mei Tai Carrier

Baby Carriers – You could get by with only having one baby carrier, but I found it nice to have 2 so that my husband could also wear a baby. We would use them on walks around the neighborhood or in places where a stroller was impractical, like at the beach or on a hike. I had 2 different kinds because babies and parents had different preferences for fit, etc. (For more info on Baby Carriers see my previous post)

High Chairs

High Chairs – You need two of these but there’s no need to get the super pricey ones. What you want to look for are high chairs where 1) the cushion/fabric part comes off easily for washing, 2) there is a removable top tray for easy washing, and 3) the footprint of the chair isn’t too big. This is especially important if you have limited space in your kitchen.

Changing Table pad – Get at least 2 of these. One to go on your changing table and one to go in whatever room you will be spending most of your time. And get used to changing diapers on the floor. It’s just so much easier.

Diaper Disposal – Unless your nursery is right off of your living room you’ll need one of these for the living area and one for the nursery. We have this kind and we like it. It does require special bags but I think most of them do.

Car mirrors – When my friend took me to start my baby registry she told me that I needed car mirrors to see the babies. I scanned one on to the registry and was ready to move on. “Are you planning on choosing a favorite and only checking on that one?”, she said. So unless you have a favorite you’re willing to admit to you need 2 of these.

Notebooks – Please make sure you have 2 small notebooks, one for each baby. When you get home from the hospital you have to keep track of how much each baby eats and when, how many wet diapers each baby has and how many soiled diapers they have. It seems straightforward but when it’s 2 in the morning and you can’t remember which baby you just changed and who you just feed…..just trust me. Get 2 notebooks in different colors and write their name on the front. You’re welcome. Also get 1000 pencils (not pens).

ONLY GET ONE OF THESE AND SAVE ALL THE MONEY!

Tiny baby in a huge crib

Cribs – I had to look carefully through all of my old pictures to find even one picture of one of them in a crib, because they were never, ever in it. Eventually you’re going to need two, but save your money upfront because you’re only going to need one (or none) for the first 6 months at least. Did I mention the Rock ‘n Play?

Baby Swing

Swing and Bouncy Chair – Both of these are great tools for soothing and rocking your babies, BUT you really only need one of each. In my case, Z preferred the swing but liked the bouncy chair for a change, and Ro hated them both (he only ever wanted to be in the Rock and Play on vibrate). Save your money, get one of each and if they both happen to love the swing and hate the bouncy chair you can always get another swing. And unless you have money to burn don’t bother to get one of these fancy baby swing things that looks like a space ship and mimics 32 different types of motion. Every baby I’ve ever met is perfectly happy in one of these suckers.

Bouncy Chair

Pack and Play – This was one of the first things I got when I found out I was pregnant with twins and I got the twin version, which is bigger and had 2 bassinets on top. My thought was that we could use that when we went to visit grandparents. Full disclosure – I never used the bassinets because they always slept in the Rock and Plays, which traveled with us everywhere (did I mention that they’re very portable?). BUT, I used the Pack and Play a ton when they got older and I was glad that it was extra big so that they both could play in it comfortably. Pack and Plays have wheels so they’re somewhat mobile, but they’re heavy and don’t navigate standard doorways well. I would often take ours our in the backyard through the sliding glass doors and have the boys plays in it while I swam in the pool or worked in the garden. Now, we use it as the time out area. Scott calls it “the penalty box”.

Baby play mat

Play Mat – They really only use these when they’re too little to crawl around, which means you can easily fit two babies on one of these mats. Take the money you’d spend on this and buy yourself a nice bottle of wine.

Changing table – I don’t think this needs to be said, but you can only wipe one butt at a time so there’s no need for 2 changing tables. Just make sure you get extra changing table pads and you’re good.

Also, try to avoid falling in to the trap of “I have twins thus everything they have must be the same”. Variety is good, and your babies will have their own preferences, so try out different things.

The eyes are the windows to the soul

Posted on April 23, 2016 by Wendy Posted in Birth, Twins .

I’m taking part in an academic research project that’s looking at the experiences and feelings of women who have experience C-section births. We were asked to take pictures that made us think of our birth experience or that brought up some of the complex emotions that that experience had inspired. Then we were supposed to upload these pictures along with an explanation of the image. This was one of the pictures that I took, and my story.

I desperately wanted to have my twins naturally. I knew that the odds where against that, but I still forced my husband to not just one but TWO “hippy dippy” natural birthing classes. I did all of the exercises to get babies to drop and to get them to turn. I stretched and massaged. I wrote birth plans for both natural deliveries and C-section births. But when I woke up at 2:30 in the morning and saw the blood I knew that my options had changed.

At Labor and Delivery triage, the nurse slowly and calmly looked for the heartbeats of my boys and attached the heart monitors. She chatted about mundane things. Finally she said, “Now I’ll check to see about your bleeding”. When she inserted the speculum the gush of blood soaked the bed and dripped on to the floor. Flustered, she excused herself. Within seconds lights were flashing and people surrounded me. The were taking vitals, inserting IV’s, coming at me with razors and forms to sign. As I was being swiftly prepared for the OR, the Doctor (who wasn’t my actual doctor but the attending on call doctor whom I had never met) came in and introduced herself. She asked if I had any questions. I told her that I had a birth plan and “hold on let me get it for you and we’d really like delayed cord clamping and immediate skin to ski…”. She cut me off and said “If we don’t get these babies out as quick as we can it will be bad news for all 3 of you.” I agreed that “yes, then we should do that, yes, immediately.” I was whisked away to the OR and my husband was sent in another direction to put on his scrubs and wait to be allowed in.

The OR was controlled chaos. There were so many people – the anesthesiologist, the doctor, the surgical team assigned to me, and neonatal teams for each of the babies. The room was literally filled with people – every one of them a stranger. Everyone was organizing, preparing, hurrying – moving in all directions all around me. And I was left sitting alone on the table in the eye of this hurricane of motion and preparation, utterly ignored. All of this was for me, about me, and yet I was invisible. I was enormously pregnant, freezing cold and bleeding profusely – I could feel blood on my legs – I knew I was sitting in a puddle of blood. I didn’t know if my babies were alright. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. When the anesthesiologist finally asked me to hold still and take a deep breath I stared to shake – I was so afraid of that needle, so afraid of what was going to happen next, so afraid for my babies. Out of the corner of her eye the doctor must have seen my tears, or recognized my fear. She stopped her hurried preparations and came over to me. She put her arms around my shoulders and laid her forehead against mine. She held me in her arms and she held me with her eyes. She said quietly “You are doing great, and everything is going to be ok. We’re going to take a deep breath together and then you’re going to feel a pinch. Then I’m going to go and get your babies for you. You are going to hold your babies in just a few minutes. Be brave, mama. I will take care of you. I will care take of all of you.” She held me while the anesthesiologist inserted the needle. She held me until I stopped shaking. She held me until I found my courage.

This picture is my attempt at showing what it felt like to be held by her in that terrifying moment. Held by her arms and by her eyes. I was totally alone and completely helpless. She recognized my fear and she touched me, and held me and comforted me. She became my focal point. In that moment of vulnerability what I remember most is her compassion and her eyes. She became my anchor and I put my life and the lives of my unborn children willing into her hands.

So that I don’t leave you hanging, she did, indeed, go and get my babies. She held my first-born over the sheet and laughed “He’s a big fat juicy one!!” Both of my boys were born angry and squalling and healthy and perfect. I, on the other hand, suffered massive postpartum hemorrhaging and was apparently in dire straights. But, true to her word, she took care of us. Of all of us.